Movement in darkness I slip from under sordid sheets The eyes of my tempter follow my body Agate green and offering I make my movements slow and sensual To hieghten his anticipation "I'll be back, my love" I whisper He smiles in appreciation As he watches me walk through the door. |
Author's Comments
I haven't yet decided to keep "Offering" in the fourth line, or change it to "alive."
Also, I'm not sure its long enough. This is my first deviation. Please tell me what you think. |
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Comments
I like it cause on the surface it looks like a basic love poem but with words like "darkness" "sordid" and "tempter" it gains darker undercurrents. Also ending on that line makes me wonder whether she is actually coming back which makes the poem more interesting.
"offering" sounds better to my ear in that line than "alive"
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