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Movement in darkness
I slip from under sordid sheets
The eyes of my tempter follow my body
Agate green and offering
I make my movements slow and sensual
To hieghten his anticipation
"I'll be back, my love" I whisper
He smiles in appreciation
As he watches me walk through the door.
©2007-2009 ~Lostnspiration
:iconlostnspiration:

Author's Comments

I haven't yet decided to keep "Offering" in the fourth line, or change it to "alive."
Also, I'm not sure its long enough.
This is my first deviation. Please tell me what you think.

Comments


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:iconjohn-a-dreams:
Good Poem!

I like it cause on the surface it looks like a basic love poem but with words like "darkness" "sordid" and "tempter" it gains darker undercurrents. Also ending on that line makes me wonder whether she is actually coming back which makes the poem more interesting.

"offering" sounds better to my ear in that line than "alive"
:iconlostnspiration:
Thanks for the comment. I think I'll leave it with offering... I like it better too.

Details

October 28, 2007
428 bytes

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